I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
