if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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