I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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