One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
