Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
