I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize