I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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