i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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