I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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