i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You made out with two different species that night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
