Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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