but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
