whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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