She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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