franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
