She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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