That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
