there's paper in my vomit.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
