NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
