I think I am morally bankrupt
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
