I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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