If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
