ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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