I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize