shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
