And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
