never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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