Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
