The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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