also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize