pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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