We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
