That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
