so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
