his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
