I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
