Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
