TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
