shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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