i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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