Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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