My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize