Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
