I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize