when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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