at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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