Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
