He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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