they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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