We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
