Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
