im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
