So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
