I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
