Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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