We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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