So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
BRING THE BAGELS
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
