Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
