I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
