How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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