i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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