I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
