The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
