I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
