finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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