somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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