Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
