it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
