If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
