she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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