Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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