oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize