My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
